Dear Friends —
There’s no time like the present for a fun story, that’s occasional — in the sense of being summoned up or inspired by an occasion.
Lillian Behrendt and I have been watching the incredible Polar Bear’s Cafe manga tv show. It’s utopian, and silly, and deep and sweet. As we were watching, Larry Behrendt came into the kitchen and informed us that the newly discovered papyrus fragment containing a reference to Jesus’ wife is almost certainly a hoax.
The following emerged from the subsequent conversation… Please feel free to use the comment area below to post your own mashup, or use this idea/gesture to further your own creative endeavors. Draw something, say something, imagine something.
Jesus-kun* takes out the trash
“Mary-chan, you are one lucky lady,” said the Fox News commentator on a live feed from the Holy Land, where the news of Jesus-sama’s marriage to Mary Magadelene-san was made public via papyrus. The commentator sat on a bench with Mary-chan. She nodded, smiled and pointed to the trailer park, where Jesus and the disciples were currently residing.
“Arrigato, Commentator-san,” said Mary-chan. “Yes, although my sweet husband is not big on possessions, or even on a permanent domicile (you will remember his important lilies of the field reference in the “sermon on the mount”), he is very helpful with the tasks that we have when we are camping and always takes out the trash.”
“Look!” said the commentator. “There he is now!”
The cameras turned as Jesus-kun walked out of the circle where he and his disciples were sitting. In each hand he carried a garbage bag: one, brown for trash, and the other, green for recyclables.
“This is of coursed discussed in the rest of the new gospel — how important it is to sort the garbage, and how we need, even when we are traveling, to respect the earth,” she continued.
“Why?” said the Fox commentator. He didn’t like where the conversation was going.
“Because someone has to actually CARE for the land so that the lilies can grow and thrive and not be choked by toxic waste,” said Mary-chan ducking her head shyly, “And anyway, magnanimous commentator-san,” she said. “Just look at my husband, Jesus-kun…”
The commentator gazed somewhat unwillingly at Jesus-kun as he lifted the lids off the cans and peered inside.
She jumped to her feet and shouted, “HE LOOKS SO Kawaii!!”**
As she spoke, all the women and girls from the trailer park shouted and giggled and pointed at Mary-chan’s divine husband.
“Kawaii“ they all cried, jumping up and down.
“Cuteness is important in anyone,” concluded Mary-chan. “But it is absolutely crucial if you are going to save the world.”
THE END
* The Japanese suffixes “kun” and “chan” are diminutives, meaning “little’ like the German “-chen” These are also intimate suffixes; “kun” in particular indicates a family relation and is always masculine.
**the Japanese word Kawaii means “cute”, and is used for such icons as Hello Kitty, Sailor Moon, and of courses Panda in Polar Bear Cafe
(Copyright, Stephanie Barbe Hammer, 09/23/12)
Stephanie Barbé Hammer Writing (Un) Real 
Wild. I don’t have one of my own, but I just read Steve Barthelme’s new book of short stories, “Hush Hush,” which includes “Heaven,” a story in which Jesus and God preside over a celestial Days Inn, and Jesus wears funky hats because, well, he’s 2000 years old and he can wear hats if he wants to.
The Days Inn? Of course — the perfect place for Pharisees, Samaritans, and low-level employees to gather. and academics. thanks!