Storytime Sunday, January 19th, 2014: Grimm Brothers Reboot #7


Once upon a time there were 12 brothers — which you have to admit is a lot. 12 tribes is a lot and 12 disciples is a lot, but really twelve brothers is possibly too many and a lot of strain on the mother (FYI for a minyan, you only need 10 men which means 9 plus the father unless you’re doing it reform style in which case you include the women and so you only need 7 men, because the brothers have 1 sister [plus that overtired mom] as the following will show).  So there was a lot of football watching and soccer playing but also sewing and crafting and playing with dolls because it seemed to be a quite gender equitable family despite the fact that they were living in some kind of version of the Middle Ages. The King and Queen were happy with their 12 boys.

But then something crappy happened.

The Queen got pregnant with the daughter whom I mentioned, and the King got the weird – sort of sexual and kind of screwed up seemingly pro-women but really just awful – idea in his head that if the baby was a daughter he would have the 12 brothers killed so as to protect her holdings.  Yes, it’s crazy, but perhaps he got tired of dealing with all those kids and this was one sick way to get rid of most of them and start off fresh with an only child.

Because it must be said that only children ARE awesome. Mature, self-possessed, sensitive.

So the king had 12 coffins made and 12 little creepy death pillows fabricated for the boys to lie in and he put them in a room, because we can certainly say one positive thing about him and that is: he liked to be prepared.


But the queen told the youngest brother, whose name was Benjamin (quelle coincidence!) waz up and showed him the 12 coffins and the little pillows in the room (trauma alert), and they boys all fled their asses into the Los Angeles Forest and they hid in a very pleasant if enchanted lodge up in the Magic Mountains. They were pissed off as you can imagine, and they vowed to kill any girl they saw (yikes).

But before that, the queen mom promised the boys she would raise a flag to let them know the sex of the baby. Why she does this, I have no idea. I guess she was a girl scout or perhaps just your average nationalist, but this was the plan, and so she raises a red flag when the girl is born.

The red color symbolizes:



I don’t know. I think it’s a dumb idea, but to be fair she’s a completely freaked out mom with this weird daughter-obsessed husband, so I guess she’s doing the best that she can, trying to keep it all together: protecting her daughter and also keeping her wild-child boys alive and sending home schooling materials by special messenger, and just hoping they don’t join a gang (though to be honest, 12 of any kind of people are automatically a group and a group is a gang, which can [theoretically] be a nice assemblage of enterprising young people like Spanky et al and of course the Avengers).

So…. what will happen next?


Stay tuned for the continuation of this story TOMORROW for a special Manic Monday edition of Magically Real!

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