A troubled preamble to a tale about location

Once upon a time there was a country.
No.
Once upon a time here were TWO countries.
No.
Once upon a time there was a land.
You mean a piece of land?
No.
I mean like a country but not a nation.
Did it have a flag?
No.
Did it have an army?
Sometimes.
Did it have a king?
Perhaps.
I don’t understand.
Me neither.
I’m trying to tell a story here.
But who should tell it?
I should!
No, I should.
No – a third person should.
But you’re not even FROM here.
That’s why.
Why what?
Why I should tell it. Because I’ll be objective.
No you won’t.
Well YOU won’t be objective either.
Personally I don’t believe in objectivity.
That’s a typical excuse.
Typical of what.
Typical of the kind of person you are.
Look who’s talking!
But seriously, once upon a time there was a land
Sigh.
Here we go again with this fairy story.
Do you have a better idea?
No.
No.
Then listen.